It's my resolution to write more. To write all the time. I'm writing a book. Or something.
It's just that I'm afraid. I want it to be polished and perfect. And edited so that my crazy only shows through in attractive and delightful amounts. I'm afraid you'll see how deep it really goes.
I am so weary of holding up that mask. It doesn't reflect the whole me. It's not real. So I need to practice this more and be bad at at it until I get better. I want to be really good. I want to allow this creative side to emerge. Even if its inadequate and cringe-worthy at times. The only way out is through.
So this year I'm going to write. Out of requirement some pieces will be polished and professional. But in order to get better at this art I need to start producting it and also silence the inner critic that won't allow me to do anything because it won't be good enough.
I'm going to write for the sake of writing, and I'm going to publish it on my blog. Pieces that may have run-on sentences and places where I repeat myself. Maybe some bad poetry.
It's going to be sloppy. And cringe-worthy. You will likely find my opinions flawed, and disagree with them. I might offend you. You may decide you don't like me anymore. (If you ever did). You may find ammunition for your theory on how awful and dumb I am. You'll find lots of mistakes.
I'm going to face those fears and let the edges go a little bit in 2018. I give myself permission. That's the resolution. The permission to be me, with all my flaws and inadequacies. And to let the rough and wounded parts be exposed.
And if you read my writing you'll know the truth.
If you read it that is.